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After that, I began to work with quite a number of men dealing with this issue and became quite interested in the issue, and when somebody would come into the clinic here on campus dealing with this issue, they'd say, “Well, let him see Jeff. Jeff's hit a bunch of these guys.” And pretty soon I was seeing quite a number.

I became so intrigued, in fact, that I decided that I would do a doctoral dissertation on this topic. I was very interested in the question of whether or not men who struggle with homosexuality can change. And it occurred to me that if it is possible for these men to change, there must be some men who have changed. If you can't find anyone who was successful at changing, it's kind of hard to make the argument that change is possible. Not many people are going to be impressed if you sit down with them and say, “No one's ever done this successfully, but we're sure you're going to be the first one.”

And so we found a number of men who had successfully overcome this problem and sat down with them and talked to them about what they meant when they said they had changed. And then we took a careful look and said, “What do these men have in common? What story are they telling us here when they describe their experience of change?” And it's interesting, because when you ask somebody, “How have you changed?”, the first thing they start to tell you is how things used to be. So not really wanting to, we nevertheless got a very rich description of how this problem developed in their lives, and most of the material that I'm going to present to you here today comes directly from that doctoral dissertation. Since that time, I've presented this material to literally hundreds and hundreds of men struggling with this issue--and many women also--in individual counseling sessions, at conferences and workshops, firesides, and other situations. And I want to help you understand today what it is these men experience, what it is like for them, for them.

When people tried to understand why some men struggle with the issue of homosexuality or homosexual problems, they tried to understand what these men have in common. What is similar about these men that sets them apart from other men who might not struggle with this issue? If you have read the popular media at all, you have seen reports on differences in brain structure and hormone levels and kinship ties, identical twin studies, father/son relationships, mother/son relationships--none of those have really been conclusive. It's interesting in the media you always hear when they find the correlation; when they fail to replicate that or fail to substantiate it, you never hear about that.

Among the men I know who deal with this issue, I see three traits in common. These traits are almost universal; in fact, when one of them is missing, it's a pretty good bet that these men have been, had some sort of strong introductory experience.

These are the three characteristics: first, they are unusually emotionally sensitive. They tell me things like, “I have always been more tenderhearted than other people”; “I have always felt things more deeply than other people”; “I've had trouble controlling my emotions,” or “I've cried more easily.” These kinds of statements come out again and again and again, as I talk with these men. Unusual emotional sensitivity.

Second, they are unusually introspective. They are almost always men of above average intelligence. They do a lot of thinking, and a lot of their thinking is self-analytical thinking. They tell me things like, “People tell me I think too much”; “I analyze things to death”; “I think myself into circles”; “I think myself into knots”; “I'm always trying to understand myself.” Very intensely introspective.

The third and most ironic trait that these men have in common is that they have an unusually strong sense of right and wrong, and an unusually strong desire to be right. I use that term very broadly: to be right, to be worthy, to be righteous, to be normal, to be popular, to be liked, to be attractive, to be okay, to be talented, to be good looking. Any of those things, they just want to get it right, to be good. When parents find out they have a son dealing with this issue, they will sometimes say, “This was my best child. He was the most devout, the most obedient, the most tenderhearted.” It is not unusual for these men to have had outstanding histories of activity in the Church, to have held positions of responsibility in their Aaronic priesthood quorums or on missions, to have been Assistants to the President, or other things. So this is ironic.

These three characteristics--unusually emotionally sensitive, introspective, and wanting to be right. Now the question is, are those three characteristics good things or bad things? I think they're good things. Does the world need more men who are sensitive and thoughtful and want to do good? Sure. But I believe that those three traits are exactly the characteristics that get someone stuck in the problem of homosexuality. Here is a great irony: three positive characteristics that can lead to such an agonizing difficulty. And I hope by the time we're finished talking today, you'll understand perhaps why that can happen. It's almost as though Satan says, “Here are a group of men who could do much good in the world; what can I do to trip them up?” And he has found something that in many cases is very effective.

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